More humor:What if the Hoky-Poky really is what it's all about?
Here's an actual letter from a potential wedding client. Needless to say, I didn't get (or want) the job!
Date: April 23, 1996
As we discussed, I am enclosing a list of bands/artists re: music for my and C….’s wedding. Please look over the list and let me know whether or nor you feel you have a band in mind that could perform this range of music! This list is in no way totally complete [emphasis mine - J.R.], but I wanted to give you an idea of the types of music we would be looking for. As you can see, there is quite a range, from rock to reggae, blues, jazz and swing!
Let us know what your thoughts are and if this seems doable! We will be coming to the Sheraton Palace on May 3rd and would love to have a chance to meet you then.
List of Artists/Music
1. Allman Bros.
1. Bob Marley
1. Steve Ray Vaughn
1. Cannonball Adderley
Subject: Musical Quotes (as supplied by Don Burnham)
"I write [music] as a sow
"My sole inspiration is a telephone
call from a producer."
"Don't bother to look, I've composed
all this already."
"I would rather play Chiquita Banana
and have my swimming pool than play Bach and starve."
"[Musicians] talk of nothing but money
and jobs. Give me businessmen every time. They really are interested in music
"The amount of money one needs is
"Only become a musician if there is
absolutely no other way you can make a living."
"Chaos is a friend of mine."
"I am not handsome, but when women
hear me play, they come crawling to my feet."
"Of course I'm ambitious. What's wrong
with that? Otherwise you sleep all day."
"What is the voice of song, when the
world lacks the ear of taste?"
"Flint must be an extremely wealthy
town: I see that each of you bought two or three seats."
"Critics can't even make music by
rubbing their back legs together."
"Life can't be all bad when for ten
dollars you can buy all the Beethoven sonatas and listen to them for ten
"You can't possibly hear the last
movement of Beethoven's Seventh and go slow."
"Wagner's music is better than it
"Berlioz says nothing in his music,
but he says it magnificently."
"If a young man at the age of
twenty-three can write a symphony like that, in five years he will be ready to
"There are still so many beautiful
things to be said in C major."
"I never use a score when conducting
my orchestra... Does a lion tamer enter a cage with a book on how to tame a
"God tells me how the music should
sound, but you stand in the way."
"Already too loud!"
"I really don't know whether any place
contains more pianists than Paris, or whether you can find more asses and
"When she started to play, Steinway
himself came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano."
"Never look at the trombones, it only
"In opera, there is always too much
"An exotic and irrational
"If a thing isn't worth saying, you
"Opera is where a guy gets stabbed in
the back, and instead of dying, he sings."
"I'd hate this to get out, but I
really like opera."
"Oh how wonderful, really wonderful
opera would be if there were no singers!"
"Movie music is noise. It's even more
painful than my sciatica."
"I think popular music in this country
is one of the few things in the twentieth century that have made giant strides
"Theirs [the Beatles] is a happy,
cocky, belligerently resourceless brand of harmonic primitivism... In the
Liverpudlian repertoire, the indulgent amateurishness of the musical material,
though closely rivaled by the indifference of the performing style, is actually
surpassed only by the ineptitude of the studio production method. (Strawberry
Fields suggests a chance encounter at a mountain wedding between Claudio
Monteverdi and a jug band.)"
"A ponderous orchestral
"It's pretty clear now that what
looked like it might have been some kind of counterculture is, in reality, just
the plain old chaos of undifferentiated weirdness."